Not even five minutes in the case management meeting and my case worker tells me she’ll meet with me later because her sister came to visit.
She’s cancelled our meetings twice already and now she throws me aside because her sister came to visit AT WORK. I mean, come on now. I’d get it if I called her and asked for a meeting right then and there but I didn’t. Today is our assigned case management meeting and she couldn’t spare twenty minutes for me to go over my plans for the week. Which now means that I don’t have the bus passes to do what I wanted to do this weekend.
What do I have to do to get a little of their time? I’ve done everything they’ve asked of me. I’ve applied for food stamps and insurance, taken my GED (AND PASSED EVERYTHING), gotten an eye exam, set up other doctor appointments, given my case worker my weekly schedules between Day Treatment and BST and volunteer work, made my resume, and even participated in their groups.
The only thing I haven’t really done is spend time in the clubhouse to befriend the other people here. I already have an amazing support system filled with positive and healthy people that I know I can count on. The time that I did spend with a few other people here was spent with them talking about how badly they wanted drugs. Like, no. I don’t want to be around that. I’m not here to entangle myself in their issues. I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to get negative people out of my life. I’m here to avoid getting tied up with people who use. I’m here to get on my feet. And befriending these people isn’t the way to do that.
Apparently, my BST hours conflict with mandatory events. Why should I move around my schedule when she can’t even own up to our case management meetings? Why should I inconvenience my BST worker because I have to go to events with people I want nothing to do with? My BST worker has to do afternoon hours with her other client because he has school, I don’t so I get more of the morning hours. That’s how reality works. Why should I make time for them when they can’t even keep up with an hour a week for my case management?
Do I have to act out and be irresponsible to get them to notice that, yes, I’m still here and yes, I’m still having trouble adjusting and yes, I still need their help? Just because I’m doing these things by myself doesn’t mean that I don’t want to go over my game plan with them or touch base with them. Just because I don’t raise a huge fit over not being able to have a second with any of the staff here doesn’t mean that I don’t feel like they’re completely going back on what they promised me. I’m used to people not being there for me so it doesn’t matter to me if they’d just fucking admit that they don’t have time for me. Don’t tell me that you’ll be there if you aren’t. And don’t tell me that I have to make time for you when you obviously don’t make time for me.